PROLOGUE 7th May, 1837 I visited J. today. I talked to him and shared my news. More than anything I would wish to have his understanding of my regret, but I know it is out of the realm of possibilities until such a time as I meet my maker. Then I may know his feelings on the matter. What shall be the price of Guilt? Just five letters in a word which buries me with its weight. I live, but yet I do not deserve the gift. I can go through the days, and the motions of daily life, but for what purpose? What good can I bring to those I love, and who would love me in return, if they should know my secret? I did not act with correctness when the ability was within my power to do so. I kept silent because I was afraid to curb the one whom I loved more than any other. My bitter regret now must always be born in an endless silence that has broken the hearts of all those I ever loved. Today I also gave my agreement to marry a man who says he wants nothing more than to care for me and to allow him to cherish me. He looks into my eyes and touches a part of my soul in a way that terrifies me, yet at the same time draws