CHAPTER 1 Breathing hard, I watch the door slip shut. Shock washes over me. I don’t know what I expected things to be like, but this isn’t it. Wide-eyed, I pad over to the bed and sit down. The sheets are rumpled. The room smells like Sean and sex. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. The sensation worsens, growing tighter and tighter until I’m gasping for air. Tears streak my face as I throw myself onto a pillow. I grip it and try to suck in air, but I can’t. Sean’s scent hits me hard and makes me choke. I push myself up and try to get hold of my emotions. I knew this wasn’t real. It’s all a game. Sean is fucked up and he needs things this way. There is a reason for it. He said that over and over again, but it doesn’t mesh. Nothing does. It’s like there are two different versions of him. One is playful and kind. The other is so messed up that he can’t fuck a girl that he hasn’t paid for. I clutch my face and push the tears away with the back of my hand. I’ve fallen for him. I couldn’t help it. I want to call Mel, but she’s working. I need to get control over my feelings. I need to. I have to. Suddenly, the urge to go for a run hits me hard. Fresh air, the